Death and Life Positivity

     I called this blog Life, Death, and Everything in Between because we can't have life without death and one is not more meaningful than the other. People spend so much energy and time trying to avoid the inevitable rather than embracing it. We are all going to age and die, but that doesn't need to be a bad thing. The fact our time on Earth is terminal makes it so much more glorious. If you were going to have your favorite meal prepared exactly to your liking whenever you liked it until the end of time, how much would you truly enjoy it? If you appreciate the fact that you don't know how many meals you have left or how long your favorite restaurant will stay open or employ the same chef or keep the same offerings on the menu, then each life can be way more amazing.

     Ever since I was a child I have experienced death. My father didn't deal with death well so that was left to me. When at approximately eight years old we found a cat on our lawn with half its head bitten off I was the one who had to shovel it into the trash can, Years later when my parents dogs needed to be put to sleep I was the one who was there to hold their paws. These early interactions led me to be jokingly called "Dr. Death" in my family. As life would go on I would be around death more and more and at an earlier age than most people I know.
     In the summer, prior to entering the 7th grade, I lost my beloved paternal grandfather. Five months later my paternal grandfather passed away twenty-six hours after my Bar Mitzvah. Three years later my maternal grandmother passed away after suffering five years from Alzheimer's Disease, my father's brother and only sibling passed away at the way too young age of forty-one eight months later and then less than two months later my paternal grandfather, who spent the last three years of his life as a quadrapalegic, passed. I loved all of my family dearly and these deaths hit me hard, but the hardest one involved a childhood friend.
     I had many nervous ticks during my elementary years and was quite the emotional child. Throughout elementary school I had a close group of friends. One of those kids was named David. David was a very energetic child who got picked on a lot. We generally got along well except for when he told my 4th grade crush that I had a major crush on her just after I told him not to say anything. This was probably not news to her since I tended to stare at girls that interested me. David and I ended up not being in the same class in 6th grade and by junior high our friendship was non existent. I would like to think it just naturally ran its course, but I know that part of the reason was my wanting to distance myself from someone others may consider "weird". This was 7th and 8th grade and I felt like I was the one of the biggest geeks in the school and the last thing I needed was to be associated with one of the other members of the Geek Squad. This was in the early eighties before being a geek was considered cool. In early 8th grade we received word that David had killed himself. He was only 13! I remember being at a party a few years before that and meeting a girl that knew someone who killed themselves and thinking how weird that was. I couldn't imagine knowing someone that did it, but then sadly I did. I felt a lot of guilt for not being close to him during his last years of life. I don't blame myself or am such a narcissist to think that I was the one person that could have changed everything, but I would have liked the chance to try, When I was going through a very stressful time later in my life I had a hallucination that I was there when he killed himself. I know I wasn't, but the vision and feelings of losing a friend at such a young age will forever stick with me.
     Fast forward in life by almost twenty years, my father-in-law passes away on February 27, 2014 after suffering for nearly six years as the result of a stroke. In January of the same year, my brother-in-law was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and passes away iby March.  My father has a heart attack and multiple strokes on April 1, 2014 and the day before we were to place him in a board and care he passes away. Over the next few years my wife loses an aunt and uncle which all seems part of the circle of life, but that doesn't make it easier to handle.
     When I was growing up, it was my sister Stacy and I and our two parents. I have half siblings (I consider them full in every sense. The term half is only used here to understand context). My dad married three other women before he married my mom when he was only twenty-nine. He had two children each with two of his previous wives, my mom always said that he could impregnant a tree. It's a visual that I can now do without. We sound like something from a comedy routine. Two Catholics, two protestants, and two Jews all from the same man. Anyhow, Stacy and I weren't buddies growing up, but our family was very active in the community as volunteers and we attended many musicals and movies together as a family.
     I found out in October, 2015 that Stacy was sick and didn't see how sick she looked until Thanksgiving of that same year. Three weeks later she was hospitalized in the ICU and passed away on Valentine's Day of the next year at the age of 49. I had no expectation that my sister would die and I don't think she did either. She was very adept at self deprecating humor so when she commented on her appearance I laughed along with her instead of realizing the gravity of the situation. She didn't tell me she was sick when she first found out because she didn't want me to stand over her and push her to get better like she knew I would. I don't think there was anything I could do at that point, but I would have loved to have found out.
     When my sister passed away my mother went into robotic mode handling all of the paperwork for someone who had retirement at three employers and various other estate issues. She went from having put down a deposit at the local Elks Lodge to celebrate her and her best friends' 50th birthday to using that money for a deposit on her celebration of life.
     My mom and sister were very close as they were involved with many of the same civic groups and enjoyed hanging out togetrher My mom never truly mourned and she deteriorated quickly. My mother was not the healthiest of people as she had struggled with her weight for most of her life. She was over one hundred pounds when she entered elementary school. A lifetime of weight issues caused her back to deteriorate to the point it was now at a thirty-nine degree angle. Only six months after my sister passed, my mom began losing her balance. A month later she could no longer stand on her own. Three months later after spending most of the time in the hospital, she passed away, looking to be with my sister. Ironically, being Jewish,  my mom believed that we live our heaven and hell on Earth. However, when one's time comes I can see the comfort in believing there is something else beyond this planet even though I still don't see something apart from transferring my energy into another life force. Although, I will save that for an entirely separate blog post.
     As I continue to write I will interject more and more humor into my writing. I have always been proud of my and my family's sense of humor and believe it is a necessity to get through the challenges of life. I believe in being Death Positive. This to me doesn't mean living out my days awaiting death. It means recognizing that there is an end out there and enjoying the most out of every day along the way. Spending time with activities and individuals that lift me up rather than bringing me down or feeling stagnant. Avoiding anything called anti-aging as it puts my energy on avoiding the inevitable rather than embracing it.
     I am not sure this writing was very coherent, but it's been a while since I have written a blog post so I had a lot that I wanted to say. I anticipate my future posts will be more focused and concise, but who the heck knows. I am interested in your thoughts. Thanks for reading. Go live life and embrace aging!